So I don’t know what your doing to me, but it sucks! It might be just me overthinking it too much or you just not knowing what you want but you need to decide! You didn’t speak to me for over 2 months, and then I messaged you. I got what I expected but then a couple of days later you call me with no explanation of why but that you wanted to see how I was!? And then nothing for another two weeks even though you said you would call me! Why say it if you don’t mean it! What is your problem!? Why do you continuously hurt me!? Why do you constantly get my hope ups to only crush them!?

After not speaking to you in over 2 months, the drought has been broken. I found the courage to message you this morning. Not for your sake but for my own. I did it for me and I am so glad I have finally realised this. I am so happy that God showed me it wasn’t for you but it was for me. I don’t know how he did it but he did. And I am so thankful. I finally feel a sense of relief, a sense of clarity about the situation. I feel as though I can move forward now. Your reply was what I expected but what I hoped you wouldn’t say. At first it sucked but now I fine with it. I am fine if you don’t message me and I’m with if you do. I’m not sure if I want to see you but I’m not scared anymore. Im not scared to see you or hear from you. I still love you but I have accepted the person you are and it was all with the way you replied. I am not sure what will happen between us or if you will ever grow up but I’m fine with the outcome. I still care about you but I’m okay with what now is and I’m so happy I can see this now. So thank you God! thank you Louis.

This is going to be the hardest thing for me to do. But I believe it’s time. Your happy so that makes me happy, that’s all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. And I believe you are. You are moving on and I’m so proud. And now I think it’s my turn, my turn to move on, my turn for you to be proud of me, my turn for me to be proud of me. It scares me, the thought of losing you, giving up on you but I have already lost you, I have already lost the person I love and adore. But I’m not giving up on you, I will always be there for you, I love you and I don’t think that will ever change. But it’s time to accept the love I have for you and let you go. Let you be happy. I need to start seeing when I see you the happiness I have always wanted for you. And this will happen. You are amazing. But at the moment you aren’t amazing for me. I’m letting go of the memories, I am letting go of the day dreams, I am letting go of the hope I have for us, I’m letting go of you, you Louis, not for you but for me. This is me letting it all go…

I miss you, you piece of shit! I see you and my heart races, I wonder if yours races? I see you and I get lost in you, I wonder if you even notice me or get lost in me too? I see you and I think of the first time you told me you loved me, the first I met you, the first time I looked at you said I would be with you for forever. I wonder if you ever think back on those memories? I don’t know when I’m going to stop loving you or missing you but I sure hope it’s soon.

Dear him

This is my first letter to you. It’s been about 2 months since we last spoke. Feels like forever ago. How are you? I have been good, not spectacular but good. I’m making it through. I miss you though. The longing is dreadful, the longing to hear your voice, feel your touch, just to know your there, it’s all heartbreaking. But I’m still living. It’s easier when I know your not the same person you were when I first met you. Im on holidays now. It’s nice to be away from everything that reminds me of you. I still think about you though. Do you think of me? Do you think about how In love we were? I did, I don’t think about it as much anymore. I was hurting myself to much. I still love you. Everyday I still love you. I love the person you were. And I miss that.

Dear everyone,

Ever gone through something that’s just changed your every day to day life into a nightmare? It’s instantly made the little things you do everyday, like getting out of bed, going to work, eating, or seeing people, seem impossible? Well I have. One day my life was almost perfect to me and the next day, ruined. I believe everyone goes through this motion or has gone through it. Jeez I’m still going through it! This is why I have started my blog ‘Dear Everyone, Everybody Hurts’ I’m only young, 21 to be exact, so I don’t have a whole lot of life experiences but I am going through some relatable ones at the moment. So if you are suffering, from heart ache or loss or trying to find yourself chuck me a follow. I won’t make promises that what I post will cure you but I’m someone you can relate to, and I have found that lately having some one to relate to can make things easier.